Consultapalooza
When you open a chart to see every service in hospital has been called but none have properly engaged. Submitted by Peter Brindley.
Matt Morgan
Schuldobjekt
An object of guilt causing the feeling of owing a debt. Experienced after you’ve inadvertently harmed a patient. Something that has to be walked towards, not away from. Submitted by Adi Kumar.
Handover Handwash
The ritualistic cleansing of responsibility at the start of a handover, heralded by the phrase: “I’ve only just met this patient so I know nothing about them, but . . ." Submitted by Sebastian Knudsen.
Bluesink
The cold recognition of cyanosis creeping in.
Wardfloat
That dissociated drift through a shift when you're running on fumes.
Poonami
That enormous bowel movement after days of opiate induced constipation. Submitted by Peter Brindley.
Notewell
The quiet satisfaction of writing a set of notes so clear you know they will outlive you.
Necropsylinger
The subtle trace of the pathology suite that seems to follow you out long after you’ve left—an olfactory reminder of the answers uncovered within. Submitted by Dr Susannah Lillis.
Title-clinger
A colleague who insists on being addressed as “Dr.” or “Mr.” or "Prof" at all times, bristling at the faintest slip into first-name territory—despite the fact that you’re peers, and you still have mental images of them passed out at 3 a.m. in medical school.
Consultacaller
A doctor who just calls others to manage things. Submitted by Peter Brindley.