Uro-detour The moment you realise that, thanks to a switchboard mix-up, you’ve just spent five minutes trying to admit a patient with urinary retention to the neurology on-call team. Submitted by Jon Campbell.
Bleedline The slow spread of red along gauze during a procedure, telling you more than the monitors do.
Chopperholics Doctors and nurses obsessed by helicopters despite the lack of evidence. Submitted by Peter Brindley.
Beepaphobia The terror that the second you fall asleep your pager will go off. Hence you can't go to sleep. Submitted by Peter Brindley.
Wardrift The quiet dislocation that happens when a doctor’s body makes it home but their mind is still trailing behind on the ward — rounds looping in their head, charts whispering, patients lingering — leaving family meals and bedtime stories feeling like they’re happening just out of reach. Submitted by my
Chicago-no-hope The service where everyone seems to be profoundly pessimistic. Submitted by Peter Brindley.
Stethfluencer A healthcare worker who can’t resist filming themselves in their car, blue scrub cap perched just so, stethoscope dangling like a stage prop, dispensing wisdom or drama to their front-facing camera. Often found in the wilds of TikTok and Instagram. Submitted by an Giacomo Virstinuc.